Nine Lives

I have a tendency to attract weird afflictions and maladies. Last week, for reasons unbeknownst to me, my ringfinger got infected. The doctor had to stick two large needles in it to drain it and I was put on antibiotics. Without them, she said, I would surely have lost a finger.

That made me think. Without modern medicine, where would I be right now? If I had lived 400 years ago, surrendered to basic botchery and witchcraft, would I still be alive at the age of 28?

Assuming I hadn't been burnt at the stakes for lesbanism and heresy, would I have survived the medical afflictions I've had these last 28 years, if there had been no modern medicine to remedy them?

Let's see shall we:

Age 4: Chicken-pox.
Age 5: Measles.
Despite immunization, I still got both kiddie diseases, and survived. If it hadn't been for the healing ointments though, my face and body would now be riddled with scars and spots.

Age 6: Reflux and excessive need to pee.
Highly survivable, because it was stress-induced. A 6-year old with stress. Yes. Survivable.

Age 8-9: Series of ear-infections. High fevers.
Potentially lethal without meds to bring the temperature down. However, my mum's a good one, and she would've probably dunked me in a bath of icecold water to bring the fever down, so odds are I would've survived even without meds.

Age 13: Mystery disease.
Doctors never agreed on the diagnosis. Some said rubella, but never confirmed. If by some miracle I would have pulled through, I would probably be baren now, and scarred.

Age 15: Cluster headaches.
Not lethal, but people would probably have assumed I'd been possessed by the devil or was suffering some mental illness. So even without heresy and lesbanism, I would have ended up in the nuthouse or at the stakes.

Age 26: Accute Mononucleosis.
Without medical intervention, this would most certainly have finished me off.

Age 28: Infected finger.
Without antibiotics, I would now be a slightly challenged lesbian lover, as I'd have to rely on 9 fingers instead of the usual handy 10.

SO... it seems like modern medicine has turned me into a cat with 9 lives, because I would have died twice over, been burned at the stakes once, heavily scarred and 9-fingered.

I think it's time I go thank my doctor...