Patent on Futility

One of the upsides of my job is having a boss that is willing to foot the bill for his employees' continuing education initiatives. These last two months, I've been attending a once-weekly evening class at university, aimed at professionals working in the Biotech sector.

As it turns out, things haven't changed all that much since I left school. Despite the fact that the "class" constitutes some 40-odd professionals aged 30-50, there is always the one who insists on sitting at the front of the class, finger forever at risk of puncturing the ionosphere. I wonder whether he also does that every time he has to ask his wife something ...

The last two lectures were actually interesting enough to grab my attention for the full 2,5 hours: they dealt with Intellectual Property & Patenting. If you direct your browser here, you will be able to search the patent database. Hours of fun.

It seems too many people have far too much time on their hands. And money for that matter, for the patent application process itself can cost anywhere from 5 grand to 150 grand. The summum of futility, by far, would have to be this particular one. It's an apparatus designed to give one's self a pat on the back. It makes me ponder the levels of loneliness that spurred on its inventor.

- A self-congratulatory apparatus having a simulated
human hand carried on a pivoting arm suspended form shoulder
supported member. The hand is manually swingable
into and out of contact with the user's back to give an
amusing or an important pat-on-the-back -

Downright scary is the "Apparatus for facilitating the birth of a child by centrifugal force". The patent application for this one would likely have cost some 100 grand, and thankfully the investor failed to make much money on it. I dare say sales for birth-control methods would rise substantially if this device were to ever make it onto the maternity ward. And then maybe this one would have been more successful.