Losing my cool

I don't often loose my cool to the point where I am screaming at someone. As such, I am not used to dealing with the aftermath of a big fall-out and I guess that is why I am now hiding in one of those dodgy internet cafes until the person I screamed at has left my hostel.

The guy who handles the hostel during the day, seems to have taken an unnecessary liking to me. While I can normally handle situations like that, it is now very quickly spiralling out of control. It all started off as a big joke, with him serenading me every time I passed by. Then, he started doing so when I was mid-conversation with other people. At first, it was difficult to gauge the line between him acting according to cultural differences or him simply being inappropriate by general standards. I tried to explain that Europeans generally value their personal space, and that such actions are considered uncomfortable, to say the least. He then proceeded to throw insults at me, suposedly in jest, in the presence of other people, on a daily basis.

"Oh is HE your new boyfriend then, is he?", "Someone should call ALL your boyfriends back home and tell them what you've been up to here", "You're a bad girl, you misbehave.", "You never cook for me, when will you cook for me"... etc etc...

Last night, a few of us had organised a little party in the hostel lounge and it was all very amicable and fun, until he decided to join in. After about an hour it reached a point where he was physically grabbing stuff out of my hands to get my attention and he'd interupted several conversations. I managed to keep my cool thanks to the presence of a few mates and tried to shove it to the back of my mind. But it'd reached a point where I could no longer be in the hostel without him bothering me and I constantly tried to be elsewhere.

This afternoon, however, I just completely blew my lid. I was actually screaming when I said: "Just back off and leave me the fuck alone, you're SERIOUSLY starting to annoy me now".

I wasn't quite prepared for how shocked he'd be and before he could even start to appologize I slammed the door and walked out. He's thankfully not on shift this weekend and I am going round a friend's house tonight, but I dread having to go back in to grab my stuff and face him.

Why is it, that when I'm harassed and (rightfully) lay into the offender, I am the one that is left feeling guilty?! Sorry. Just seriously in need of a good rant. Hasta Luego Guapos! ;)