Existential Trash
I considered the possibility that my life had surreptitiously turned into one of those meaningless, uninspiring, repetitive chains of bin days, sleeping, cooking, working... and more bin days.
So, I sat myself down, shut my eyes, and dug deep into the grey/white matter archives to detect what string of events my life thusfar is made of. And suddenly there it was. The pattern!
- Pencil and paper schematics of "Pew's Pattern" -
Yes I know. T'is hardly a new pattern. Orbits and gravitation fields and velocity thrusts... But just hear me out.
So, basically, my life started off in "situation 1". That's me. And "situation 1" is surrounded by a few comfort-zone orbits inherent to my nature. I'm hovering around "situation 1" safely within my narrowest comfort zone and feeling pretty merry, when BAM... some cataclystic event yields a velocity thrust and suddenly I'm catapulted straight into the gravitational field of "experience 1" which just so happens to lie on the edge of my first comfort zone. "Experience 1" attracts me sufficiently to keep me there for a wee while, exploring the entire edge of my comfort zone and familiarising myself with it.
Then BAM. Another drama or cataclystic event takes place, which gives me another velocity thrust that violently throws me out of the gravitational orbit and onward to "experience 2" on the next level of my comfort zone. I'm drawn into its orbit by some attractive force, which slows me down and holds me captive in its gravitational orbit, right on the edge of my second comfort zone.
And so it goes on.
So basically, what I am saying is that I've had a couple of highly cataclystic events in the previous two years, which have catapulted me onto comfort zones thousand and thousand and 1, and that I am now slowely hovering around experience 1001 till I'm sufficiently acquainted with my latest comfort zone or get catapulted onto the next one.
I get restless when I'm in the consolidation phase. When I'm just hovering. In orbit. Because it's paradoxal in its appearance. Outwardly, those orbits seem to stand still. Circling on the same spot over and over again. Yet they are the most intense and life-altering moments of change and transformation. Whilst the cataclystic escapes from orbits appear ginormous leaps and make you feel like you're actually doing something, yet, only one actual transformation occurs.
I rather suspect I stopped making sense a long while ago. Goodnight!
posted by Dr.Pew @ 9:25 pm
4 comments
4 Comments:
You're underestimating your teaching skills, 'cause I think I get it.
I know what you mean with this, I've realised that I have to accept what my life is like - a constant cycle between two extremes:
1. The 'Oh god, this is so ridiculously stressful, I need a break, I have to get far away from this' phase
2. The 'Oh lord above my life is tedious, I need a shake-up'
I bounce back and forth between them, although I'd say I probably spend more time in phase 1. This is simply because I have a terribly short attention span (so boredom sets in far too quickly!) and not because I have a work ethic (far from it!)
also...an aside: i'd forgotten how fiendishly difficult I find the word verification on these pages...
Sometimes I doubt if there's many processes at all going on in this brain of mine..
Perhaps you are in fact suffering from quantum leaps, in both the physical and metaphysical senses.
I've always been a fan of the idea (and, to be fair, it's my idea, so I'm going to support it) that we zoom through life without taking very much notice, but on certain (and often inexplicable/inconvenient) moment, we suddenly take stock of where/who/what and why we are in the place/person/species and existentialistic paradox we find ourselves.
Ultimately, the moment of these "conscious uprisings" (yes, my term) can be likened to a successful Quantum Leap, with the intervening dross in between providing potential for such events, but been unremarkable in themselves.
Thus we appear to leap frog through our lives as a series of point of complete epiphanical clarity. Ultimately, these moments may only add up to perhaps several hours in a life-time; perhaps more if you're prone to dull, monotonous activities.
Putting it into an orbital chart though, and keeping a track of your quantum leaps is definitely a new tack ;-)
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