Bloke stance

I'm all for festival weekends: roughing and toughing it in the mud, eating food of colors brown & yellow only, waking up in random places and forgetting which bands you saw the night before... it's all part of the deal.

But in a sweltering 30 degree heat, what I could do without, was the porta-loos. So this year I actually bought a set of P-mates. It's THE brilliant invention that enables females to pee standing upright, much like blokes would, so they can avoid using the porta-loo.




And entertainment it was. Awkwardly making my way towards the fence, lining up next to a series of men, opening my zip and fiddling. Once you get your brain convinced that it is actually OK to unclench whilst still standing upright, it goes very smoothly. So I'm stood there, one hand against the fence, one on the P-mate, legs slightly bent (monkey see, monkey do), when the bloke next to me looks over to my "thing"... and gets a bit of a shock. By the time he'd gathered his thoughts enough to start communicating, I'd safely zipped up and made my way back into the crowd.

Although it's a joy not to have to queue for a turn in a stinking hot cabin, I have yet to have a P-mate experience that wasn't somewhat bizarre or rude. My next ventures included:

- the bloke next to me asking me if he could watch, upon which I, of course, couldn't go.

- a guy tapping me on the back whilst I'm peeing asking me where he could find one for his wife. Once the flow starts it's hard to stop so I had to twist my head around to answer whilst trying hard to remain on top of my new-found skill.

- a girlfriend dragging her boyfriend up to me and explaining in graphic detail where it all went and why, whilst I was peeing. They were clearly off their faces, so I wasn't too embarassed. But bizarre nonetheless... I think you'd agree :-)

Ladies, try it. Hours of fun :-)