Love Thru the Wire
"Given the large number of people that live within easy travelling distance of each other, it ought to be theoretically possible for everyone (except Australian outback farmers, polar research scientists, explorers, and religious hermits) to find someone geographically compatible; however, this is manifestly not the case. There are a number of theories about this, but perhaps it is nature's way of ensuring variety in the gene pool. Or perhaps it's a case of nature having a good laugh at the expense of a small number of unfortunate humans."
This is the opening statement of a link my girlfriend sent me yesterday. It is a BBC web-entry on "Long-distance Romantic Relationships - A Survival Guide". It made me giggle. The site is written in a style reminiscent of the late Douglas Adams and if you take a closer look at the actual link, you will undoubtedly spot the reference to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
Jo and I are certainly no exception on the Long Distance Relationship (LDR) front. At lot of my friends in Academia are forced to keep up LDRs, because the likelihood of both finding a post-doc or lectureship in the same city, is small. Also, the more people travel, the more likely they are to start up long-distance things. I currently have 4 close friends, 2 cousins and a myriad of acquaintances that are in long-term LDRs.
Jo and I are certainly no exception on the Long Distance Relationship (LDR) front. At lot of my friends in Academia are forced to keep up LDRs, because the likelihood of both finding a post-doc or lectureship in the same city, is small. Also, the more people travel, the more likely they are to start up long-distance things. I currently have 4 close friends, 2 cousins and a myriad of acquaintances that are in long-term LDRs.
Jo also directed me to The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships where we found a few entertaining statistics on the "average long distance couple":
How far apart do they live?
Average: 125 miles
95% range: 30 miles to 950 miles
Average: 125 miles
95% range: 30 miles to 950 miles
How often do they visit one another?
Average: 1.5 times a month
95% range: once a week to once every four months
Average: 1.5 times a month
95% range: once a week to once every four months
How often do they call one another?
Average: once every 2.7 days
95% range: at least once a day to once a month
Average: once every 2.7 days
95% range: at least once a day to once a month
How long are their telephone calls typically?
Average: 30 minutes
95% range: 2 minutes to 1 hour 20 minutes
Average: 30 minutes
95% range: 2 minutes to 1 hour 20 minutes
How long do they expect to be separated before they can move closer?
Average: 14 months
95% Range: one month to four years
Average: 14 months
95% Range: one month to four years
Our personal statistics are not too dissimilar: We live 285 miles apart in birdsflight, we aim to see each other once every 2 to 3 weeks, we call daily with an average skype-time of around 3 to 4 hours, and in terms of how long we expect to be seperated from each other before we can move closer, well... we've got a rough idea in mind and will see how things evolve.The website also offers a 6-step guideline (based on extensive research) to surviving a long distance relationship:
1. Stay Optimistic
2. Re-learn how to be Intimate:
- share in little day-to-day events
- use technology
- send snail mail letters/cards
- understand the pitfalls of phone conversations
- use little reminders of your partner frequently
3. Some Things Must be Said
4. Don't Isolate Yourself
5. Expect Disappointment
6. Learn the Art of Long Distance Sex
The upside for all of us long-distancers is that technology has evolved a great deal. It's easy to take camera-phone snapshots of things in your daily life and send them to your partner so they can be part of it. Phone calls are free if you use skype and if you combine them with wireless headsets, you can actually use skype as a sort of long-distance baby-phone. Jo and I sometimes leave the skype connection open, while we go about our daily business. I can faff around the room, doing whatever I need to do and still talk to Jo. Or Jo can be sat on the sofa reading her newspaper while I work, and we'd exchange little comments as if I was in the room right next to her.
The upside for all of us long-distancers is that technology has evolved a great deal. It's easy to take camera-phone snapshots of things in your daily life and send them to your partner so they can be part of it. Phone calls are free if you use skype and if you combine them with wireless headsets, you can actually use skype as a sort of long-distance baby-phone. Jo and I sometimes leave the skype connection open, while we go about our daily business. I can faff around the room, doing whatever I need to do and still talk to Jo. Or Jo can be sat on the sofa reading her newspaper while I work, and we'd exchange little comments as if I was in the room right next to her.
Yesterday, we had a particularly long talk-session, trying to establish where we both stood in terms of the long-distance and each other. It eventually transgressed into conversation that went on into the wee hours of the morning, and we both fell asleep with the connection still open. When I woke up this morning, I noticed my laptop was still next to my bed and we were still connected with skype, so I ventured a tentative: "goodmorning gorgeous". A stiffled stretchy yawn and the sound of a kiss came right back at me through the wireless from across the North Sea. While this may a bit too much of a good thing for some people, I firmly believe that everyone should take their own relationship as they feel is right. And for us, it seems, we both have the urge to talk, to be in touch, explore each other's minds and to simply connect. So in that respect, current technology truly is bliss.
Labels: academia, cultural, long distance, Love, Pew Life, weirdness
posted by Dr.Pew @ 11:31 am
5 comments
5 Comments:
lovely post! it's absolutely positively glowing with love!
maybe this is a cliche, but sometimes you can feel as if there's an ocean between you and your lover when in fact you are living together. the distnace of a LDR is very real but I truely believe that love always finds it's way. If you are committed, these things are overcome. it' s a matter of will, love and yesh, technological possibilities.
Hm. I start to sound like the Dalai Llama.
Godspeed!
PS word verification was one technological invention designed not to facilitate but to annoy.
Thumbs up for your long distance friendship! Good that u have four close friends and I loved reading the statistics of LDR. LDRs are good because we meet up after long time, and that adds to the spark and expectations are high.
I do wonder if calling my blog "spinsterinthecity" is a self-fulfilling prophecy. On every blog I read these days people seem to be swooning over someone. This is unacceptable! What has happened to all the bitter spinsters of this world?
I.LOVED.this post.
It seems like too many people act like long distance relationships are invalid. I know better, and I'm glad to see that someone else does as well.
Ohh dear the sad thing about that post , especially in referance to the second strip comic, Ive actually been in that situation, only I was the one flying out. @;D
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